2.10142026: Lived Experiences Heard

World Mental Health Day is observed on October 10th, with a different theme every year.  This year's theme was "Lived Experiences Heard: Real Voices.  Real Change".

How perfect!

Peaces of Me launched a month ago today, so what better topic to write about? After all, the brand was born from “a personal journey of navigating single parenting and mental health.” 🤎

In my series, I will feature stories about navigating anxiety and depression for what feels like most of my life.  I will share the happy and the not so happy parts of my journey.  Honestly, the not so happy is what shaped Peaces of Me.  These parts are a reminder to others that they are not alone.  You are not alone.

Today, I will share a snippet of how the darkest, lowest, scariest point of my depression became the foundation for my brand.

My beautiful baby was born in December 2019.  3 months later, Covid shut down the world.  Like everyone else, my plans were put on hold. Plans for visitors (Other than my daughter’s father, I did not have family or friends close by), plans for travel, plans for help. 

It's worth mentioning that I am extremely protective of my daughter, sometimes to a fault.  There were so many unknowns around Covid.  I didn't know how it might affect her (hell or me…because if I got sick, who would take care of her?) so I was extremely cautious.  Maybe more cautious than some cared to understand.

Could I have done some things differently to make my life easier?  Sure.  Would I change anything if I could go back?  No.  I made decisions that I thought were best for my baby with the information and only person I had - myself. 

And I dealt with the consequences of those decisions. 

My newborn was off limits to everyone except her parents for the first few months of the shutdown.  Family and friends cancelled flights and I did the same.  In the beginning her father would stop by occasionally, but I eventually accepted that I was a solo parent and it was going to be a long ride for my daughter and I. 

I was alone.  With a newborn.  A first-time mom.  A solo mom.  In the middle of a pandemic.  Depression worsening by the day.

Suffering in silence.

This went on for months.

And then there was the outside noise.  The judgement.  Accusations.  Betrayal.  Attacks on me as a mother.  And because I wasn't strong enough to block it out, it started to take a toll.   Instead of ignoring the BS, I exhausted myself trying to explain, trying to defend my character, and fighting for anyone to be in my corner.  Guess what folks? Sometimes people purposely choose to misunderstand you.  And once they make up their mind about who they THINK you are, there's little you can say or do to change that. 

During that time, I lost 3 people.

Shortly after the 3rd (my cousin) passed, I had my first breakdown. I was holding my daughter in my favorite cloth wrap (I really miss those things…).  It was a rare moment that she was inconsolable, and honestly, so was I. I was tired of crying, arguing, fighting. 

I was just tired.  I was defeated.  I was at my lowest point. 

And I sank to the ground in tears, rocking my baby (and myself!), struggling to breathe.  After months of emotionally breaking down, I was now physically breaking down.  This was the first of many episodes over the next 2 years.

Whenever I recovered from a breakdown, I would spiral thinking about what I could to help others.  To help myself.  What could I possibly do so that no one else had to feel this pain?

Eventually I started gathering my thoughts.  I started recording videos - a couple I posted, most I didn't. 

When I posted my first couple of videos, I did it for me.  I wasn't in a good space and I just needed someone to SEE me.  HEAR me. 

I wasn't expecting my posts to actually resonate with anyone.

But people started messaging, sharing their own stories. They thanked me for my transparency and vulnerability.  And those (well the ones that actually shared similar experiences anyway...) were the best responses I could have hoped for because so many women (and men!) could relate to my struggle.  I started to see that something meaningful could come from my pain.  By sharing a part of my experience, I had given others a space to do the same.

People do not choose anxiety, depression, personality disorders, traumatic stress, or psychological compulsion.  It's often a part of our reality since childhood and shows up differently (and unexpectedly!) in different seasons.

As I'm writing this, I'm coming out of my own bout of depression.  And this is after months of feeling "ok"! .  But that's the thing.  We never know when it's going to creep up on us.  But we find ways to manage, and we accept that some days will be better than others. 

I am grateful that I am learning to better manage my mental health.  I am grateful that, during such a difficult period in my life, my depression did not reach the severity that it does for so many new mothers.  I am grateful for my baby who, even through such a hard time, made it so easy to be her mommy.  I am grateful for my sister who, only 12 at the time, knew without me saying a word that I was struggling and left her life in Ohio to help her sister and niece for a few months.  And although I'm still healing through a lot of the painful events that took place during that time,  I am grateful that I have been able to find purpose in that pain.

Peaces of Me was not created because I had everything figured out. It was created from a season of trying to figure things out.  For myself and for others.

And I'm still trying to figure things out.  I'm still learning to navigate the "not-so-happy" parts, and my experiences will continue to shape my brand.   A brand that is available to everyone but reserves a special space for parents, especially solo parents, and yes that includes fathers!
 

A brand that reminds you that you are not alone.  We see you.  We are you.

So, what's your story? And how are you using it to bring about real change?